If you were to make a list of the 5 most influential women in your life, who would they be? Did those relationships just happen or was someone intentional? Did any of those women go the extra mile to land a spot on your list? You may have heard the phrase “more in life is caught than taught.” That is what occurs when we invest in each others’ lives- it’s the definition of discipleship. Learning from other women about how to be a wife, be a mom, and most importantly- be a child of God happens most often by investing in time together. True discipleship rarely happens sitting in a church pew or even in the classroom. Connecting with other women is a desire we experience in the depth of our souls. We want to share life experiences and spiritual experiences TOGETHER. It sounds so simple, but these desires stemming from the depths of our souls require time- and our lives are SO busy already! How in the world can we fit one more thing on our plates when they are already spilling over in every direction? Take heart sister! You weren’t created to do it all. Discipleship does not mean you have to change the whole world. It means you change the world by investing in one life at a time. Here are 4 practical tips to discipleship I have learned by being discipled and being blessed to disciple younger women over the last several years: 1. I cannot share what I do not have. There had to be some true soul searching before I could disciple anyone! I had to ask myself “What do I have to share?”; “What are my strengths?”; “What are my weaknesses?” After truthfully answering those questions I am better equipped to know what things God has used to teach me about Him. 2. Don’t judge a book by its cover! Many years ago a couple of young ladies asked me to disciple them. On the surface, they seemed so different from me and I wondered how in the world we could be a blessing to each other. I prayed about whether to enter this relationship with them and I heard a resounding “YES- you need to be in a relationship with them.” Let me say, these two young ladies are two of my best friends to this day and it makes me so sad to think about what I would have missed had I allowed surface impressions to lead my decision. 3. Where do I start when I have been led to disciple? Pray that the Spirit will lead you to know what you are being called to do. Are you needed to simply spend time with them? Do they need to be guided toward healing by the Spirit about poor choices they have made? Are you being called to lead them to a deeper relationship with God? There could be any number of other reasons, but knowing what they need is key to leading a productive discipling relationship. 4. What do I talk about when I am beginning to disciple? Find out about how they grew up and milestones of their childhood. Learn about their family in detail by learning the names of their children, what makes their family unique, and meaningful family traditions. As your relationship grows talk about the experiences that have shaped the faith of both of you. Many personal and relationship building conversations will come from these as the Spirit leads the conversations. The beauty of discipleship is that we use our differences to share our uniqueness through Christ while realizing that we have more in common than we ever could have imagined. We learn that we all come with strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures. Living in different contexts and experiences, we stand together under the banner of Christ. We consider the joy set before us while braving the attacks of the enemy. In your journey of being discipled or being a disciple, remember that NO MATTER where we come from, NO MATTER what path God has placed us on, NO MATTER the experiences that have caused us to grow— we stand together in our need for Christ! We would love to hear your practical tips! Let us know what you have learned from someone through their discipleship or from your discipleship of others. Choose today to invest in someone else. You are never too young or too old, and you never know the ways the Lord will bless your journey together! I am so grateful for the women in my life who have been purposeful in their discipleship of me. Melody is a child of God on mission for His kingdom. She is wife to Mark, mom/mother-in-love to 3 wonderful kids and their spouses, and proud DeeDee to three beautiful grandkids. Her heart to serve stretches from her living room to Africa. Melody has lived out the Great Commision so beautifully. Her intentionality in life is a true gift to so many around her. … [Read more...]
The Table Challenge {+Bonus Recipes}
The top is an old door. You would think it would be too narrow for people to gather around it. But experience would tell me differently. The conversations, the laughs and the tears around it have been plentiful. There's those that have come and gone. There's those that have been around for the duration. We have all gathered there. It is our table. And it is something I have grown to love so dearly. I don’t love it because I think it is beautiful. It is not the nicest piece of furniture we have purchased. As a matter of fact, I bought it off Craigslist several years and three houses ago from a kind lady whose husband made her sell it because she never used it after she had it custom made. I bargained way too low of an offer thinking she would never take it. But guess what- her husband said she had to take the first offer, so off with a trailer we went!! You know why I love it? It is a space where I have seen awkward and strained relationships have hour-long conversations, where I have seen people who do not know Jesus hear words of truth, where I have cried with my best friends, where I have seen the shyest introverts pour their hearts out, where I have seen transformation after transformation. My middle go-against-every-grain-ever son was recently eating when I noticed {once again} that he had taken ALL of his food off his plate and was eating it directly from the table. I kindly asked him to return the food to his plate. The conversation went something like this: Micah: “Mom, did dinosaurs eat off of a plate?” Me: “Probably not buddy.” Micah: “Mom, have you ever seen an antelope eat off of a plate? Or a giraffe? Or a horse? Me: “No Micah, I haven’t. but you are HUMAN!! NOW PUT THE FOOD ON THE PLATE!!” Micah: “But I like to be like the animals and I don’t like plates.” Some days you just wave the white flag and pick your battles. But it did make me consider that God made us so different. Sharing life around the table IS a uniquely human experience. No other creation gathers at a table, nor does any other creation use food for anything more than sustaining life. The Lord wired us for connection. He wired us for connection with Him and connection with His creation. Life around the table is a place of connection— of vulnerability, of tearing down walls, of learning from each other, of celebrating, of blessing, of peace. All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals, and to prayer. -Acts 2.42 When I think about spiritual disciplines, I think prayer, fasting, time in the Word. I don’t consider sharing in meals to be a spiritual discipline. But it certainly appears to land itself right in the middle of a list of other spiritual disciplines in Acts 2. It’s TWO THOUSAND NINETEEN. How did that even happen? Whew!! But here we are- living in a tech-saturated, grab-dinner-in-the-car, get-to-the-next-practice, limited-face-to-face-interaction, rush-through-it-all life. It is so fast paced that we go to beds with our head spinning wondering what just happened. Perhaps Jesus knew this day was coming. Perhaps that’s why Jesus modeled table fellowship. Perhaps all along, He knew that sharing around the table nourishes us both physically and spiritually. Perhaps WE need to slow down and consider what we are eating, where we are eating and who we are eating with. Perhaps we need to practice this spiritual discipline. Scripture is packed full of this model. Remember the Passover meal? God made a covenant through Moses with Israel on Mount Sanai. There was a fellowship (or peace) offering where the offerer and his friends ate together in the presence of God. Jesus shared the Last Supper with His disciples. So many stories recorded during the ministry of Jesus involved a meal! Jesus also gathered with sinners. Visual snapshot of Luke 5/ Mark 2: Jesus says to Levi, “Follow me.” The next thing we know, Jesus is hanging out at a feast at Levi’s table. That’s where he lead him. To share a meal together with other tax collectors and sinners. Unfortunately, I would guess the number of people walking into church buildings on Sundays and finding healing is incredibly low. I’m not saying it does not happen. The Lord can work in any space He chooses. I would also guess the statistic of how many people find Jesus through a believer inviting them to sit at their table is astonishing. Life around the table is the space where sinners can find brokenness and belonging. Have I convinced you yet to start sharing life around the table? I have a challenge for you. But FIRST, let's set some rules for the challenge: Rule #1: If you are telling yourself any lies that your home isn’t big enough, clean enough, updated enough, perfect enough, fill-in-the-blank enough, write them down on a piece of paper. Then go shred it, toss it in the lake, throw it in the largest dumpster you can find. You’ll make your guests feel right at home knowing that they can bring all their imperfections into your imperfect space. Seriously, do not miss out on the blessing of life around the table because you are believing LIES that you need a perfect space. Quit looking at Pinterest and go look at the Word. Rule #2: Make a mental note or a written list of people who are NOT in your circle- people with whom you may have even chosen to draw a line in the sand. People of a different race? People of another religion? People of another denomination? People who claim a different political party? People who live on a different side of town? Even People in your family maybe? Rule #3: Make a mental note or a written list of people you want to learn from. Think about the season of life you are in. Newlywed? Single? Parent? Career-driven? Married? Adult kids? Stay at Home mom? Empty nesters? Now. Consider those who have walked before you who you want to learn from. Look at those down the road a few years from where you are. Search out those who walk wisely with the Lord. NOW FOR THE CHALLENGE— Get out your pen and calendar. Or if you’re like me, open your Google Calendar app. It is January and your calendar is not full yet. Start scheduling dates THIS YEAR that you can be intentional about sharing life around the table. Maybe you choose 2 days per month. Maybe you choose 2 days this year. Maybe you invite 1 family, 1 individual, 4 families or 10 girlfriends. Just make a goal and stick to it. Schedule time to share life with people on each of your lists you made- those that are like you AND those that are not like you. Write out their names. Invite them. Invite them today. I BET you will find that you are more alike than you are different. I am SO passionate about this. I hope you can hear that coming from my words you are reading. I have witnessed so many transformations around the table that Jesus’ presence is undeniable there. Now that you are in on the challenge, I want to make it easier for you. I REALLY do!! This is that transformative. I want to take one stress away from you to help you complete the challenge. So—let’s chat menu. You can choose peanut butter sandwiches and pretzels, communion, coffee and dessert, 5 course meal, water and crackers, breakfast/lunch/dinner. I’ve done it all. It truly does not matter. And I bet your new or old friends would say the same. Do NOT let the lie of the enemy that it's about perfection stand in your way. If you still would rather not have people around your table, choose a table at Starbucks, the park, Tazikis, or your fav cheap Mexican joint. Pick your fancy. It all works just fine. Still hanging with me and have decided to cook dinner? I have made it easier for you by sharing 5 of my go-to easy tried and true meals that you can modify for larger or smaller gatherings! These are not my personal recipes so I have shared links!: 1) Paleo Pulled Pork. It tastes like it’s been smoked! The recipe says to marinate this overnight. I’ve never once marinated and it comes out delish every single time! I will say, if you’re using an Instant Pot, you’ll want to cook at least 95 minutes. I normally do this one in my CrockPot. Serve with BBQ sauce. Sides? Chips and baked beans. Grab some buns if you want to make BBQ sandwiches. https://civilizedcavemancooking.com/recipes/pork/crockpot-pulled-pork/ 2) Fiesta Chicken! I have cooked this at least 842 times. It’s perfect because your friends can fix to their liking. Tacos, burritos, burrito bowls, nachos. It’s my go to 9 times out of 10. CrockPot, InstantPot or stovetop ALL work perfectly. Sides? Tortillas, chips, salsa, cheese and guac! https://cookiesandcups.com/slow-cooker-fiesta-chicken/ 3) Brinner! No link here, but choose a few dishes of what you like! This is sure to work for the picky eaters in your crowd as well. Who doesn't love breakfast?! Eggs, hash browns, avocado, fruit, toast, sausage, bacon, ham, pancakes, waffles, … [Read more...]
The Fruit that Changed Me
It was midweek last March. For the two billion and fifty-third time, I had declared on Monday that I would do better. I would get it together this time. But there I was, still caught in the cycle. Sometimes I would make it a month or even two. Other times it was just a few hours. A few months prior, the Lord led me through a journey of repentance. Not that “I snapped at my kids and need to regroup with Jesus” repentance. This was like months of deep diving into the heart to find that it was clogged with loads of filth. The more darkness that was brought to light, the more junk I realized I was harboring. Each time I would realize there was more sin (YES, I mean REALIZE. Did you know that your pride can keep you from seeing your own sin? Well if you’re like me, all things must be learned the hard way), I would allow myself time {read: weeks} to really reflect on the ugliness of the sin in me and work on seeking the Lord in filling those spaces. Somehow I had managed to claim Jesus for most of my life without truly understanding the need for the work of purification. It’s easy to see those areas of “outward sin” that need to be refined, but when you start dealing with the true matters of the heart, it’s easy to stuff away and pretend everything is fine. In full disclosure, it feels like you’re running full speed forward through a shredder box with a sharp blade. Walking through that hard, refining journey opened my eyes to the fact that everything I was turning to in a time of stress was an area I had not fully surrendered to Jesus. Satan had a foothold. I stand 5 feet 1 inch in stature and have a very petite frame. I’m not overweight by any definition of the word. But I had a problem. There was something that I had not fully surrendered— my health. In my case, it was not a weight problem. It was not a lack of commitment to the gym problem. It was not a self-image problem. It was not even an eating problem. It was a self-control problem. And it was manifesting itself in what I was putting into my body and how little self-care I was doing for my body. “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” I Corinthians 6:19 I love how John Piper explains it so simply. He says self-control implies that our ‘self’ produces desires we should not satisfy but instead ‘control.’ I was giving into my selfish desires. When my kids were cranky, my husband’s illness was progressing, my work was busy or my countertop was so filled with medical bills that there was no more space, you know where you could find me? Running to food for comfort instead of Holy Spirit. You know where you would NOT find me? Training my body to be equipped for the work the Lord had in front of me. Our society just fed the lies. And I fell for the words of the enemy. I believed that when anxieties or fears overwhelmed me, I could give in to the desires of my flesh. I could turn to something other than Jesus. The world offers us ample opportunities to abuse our bodies. And most of it is socially acceptable. Scripture uses “fruit” to help us understand what the Holy Spirit will produce if He’s alive in us. When we are running toward our own actions, goals, and thoughts, the Holy Spirit cannot produce those GOOD fruits in us. It's really easy to believe that joy, peace, and patience- and even kindness, goodness, and gentleness are enough to show the Spirit is bearing fruit in us. I quickly realized I was looking to the left and to the right to determine that. Our vision can be so distorted when we are not fixing our eyes on the Perfecter of our faith. What I realized was that without self-control, I could not truly bear those other fruits. So now I had identified my problem. But I’m a solutions-oriented Enneagram 1 and I needed an action plan. The problem? I told you— my plan had failed a gazillion times before. It was going to require the reinforcements. You know? Those people the Lord places in your path that you KNOW will hold you accountable. I swallowed ten tons of pride and opened my messages app as I began to explain to a handful of friends that I was REALLY struggling with self-control in the area of my health and needed to be held accountable. I needed them to check in with me- and check in with me often. And that they did. It’s been 10 months and some of those friends are still encouraging me in this! Have I tackled this perfectly? Nope. Have I struggled? Yep. Have I made progress? Tons. Shocking news everyone. When you get control of your health, you feel better. You feel a lot better. And you have the energy to do the work the Lord has laid in front of you. In my case, the work has looked a lot different than I would have chosen. But you know what? Hebrews 13 reminds me that He EQUIPS us for every good work so that we can accomplish what is pleasing in HIS sight. Here’s what I have come to realize— I could have eaten healthier and stayed committed to the gym WITHOUT dealing with my self-control problem. I may have outwardly felt different, but the brokenness would have remained. If we do not fill the gaps left from removing our sin with the Holy Spirit, they’ll be filled with something else- and odds are- it will not be from above. Self-control was not easy for me 10 months ago and it is not easy for me today. Maybe your health is not the stronghold the enemy has over you. Because we live in a broken world, I would dare to guess that you have your own area where you are giving into your own desires rather than leaning into the Spirit for control. As we begin this year, I challenge you to lean into the One who can replace the filth with something more beautiful than you could imagine. Walk the journey of purification in Christ and be blessed by the GOOD FRUIT HE OFFERS. -Tiffani ***My prayer is that you do not read this with the ears that hear I have all of these things figured out- to be honest, I have very little figured out in life. I continue to work to remove the excess filth that creeps into my heart. I continue to struggle with chasing after my own selfish desires and the things of this world. I have not “arrived” anywhere except in the knowledge that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I pray we can journey together in the Spirit as we walk heavenward bound. … [Read more...]